Archive for January, 2011


Airing Dirty Laundry

Part 1

I have been taught that idle gossip is bad. I remember being a little girl in my Mother’s mothers’ home and hearing the church hens come over after early morning service and dish about all that went on in the one stop sign town. After, I was cautioned that gossip was bad, obey Jesus…so forth. I was conflicted.

Even though I love great dish, as I lust after celebrity information, juicy and sordid stories, I have to stop myself often and remind myself that dish is another term for gossip. Motivation alone gives character to the actions of men (Jean de la Bruyere). When you filter your language and thoughts, so much can fall on the side of the broom for gossip.

Gossip comes from a person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts. Rumors are unverified information that originate in a game form of telephone, a lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on (Churchill). Blake explains that a truth that is told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. So true.

Gossip is talk (rumored/fact based) that is shared in an intimate fashion, quietly, in a personal matter. It is sensed between two people that there is a need for something buzz worthy. At what point does a discussion turn into gossip?

When you put yourself out there, people are naturally intrigued. When problems arise or the metaphorical “shit hitting the fan” happens, everyone wants a reaction – the experience comes from the reaction you deliver. Furthermore, when one appears to “have it together” people are looking under the microscope for the imperfections – why? My theory is to make themselves feel better about what they feel is ordinary about themselves or the pain that they choose to be in.

There are aspects of my life I choose not to discuss in an intimate matter with those who are not in my Trust Tree – Trust Tree is a close knit circle that is different for each individual and may contain as few people that you can count on one hand; up to 5 – this is not limited to my relationships, views, and secret knowledge that I am privy to.

I have the esteemed advantage of working closely with people providing opportunities as partners, colleagues, and dear friends. Even though these individuals are independent contractors, they work with me, under an establishment which I am responsible for. Everything from health, marital, legal, financial, motivation (good and bad), and life and death situations were covered in my first year.

The question I want to ask everyone is when someone chooses to leave (near death experience, “personal reason”, “break”, “sabbatical”, “vacation”) for whatever passive, passive/aggressive, or aggressive reason, because I am friendly, what would make you think that I will candidly share the WHY? Sometimes I do not get a straight WHY.

On another note, I treat my independent contractors like family. This is a loaded statement that has really made me re-evaluate many things from the past with my family. In a German-Catholic/Methodist infusion of the British-stick up-the-butt and the French ooh-la-la…dys-functional is a term that would have many bullet points in the definition. There is love, no matter what tone of voice it holds. Aside, I love everyone I work with. There is no hate in my heart, even when I realize that acting was not foreseen when the initial journey began and that this person has sold me a version of themselves to love far from the truth. Maybe I am gullible?

Family. When someone is my family, I discuss them only with specific family members. Clients are like family too – dear extended family who we would like to come in and join our family. But one thing I will not do is publicly stone my family, hurt them by telling their business (because really – a WHY is THEIR business), or give my opinion because it is gossip and far from love.

Miguel Angel Ruiz puts it best:

“Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

As much as I enjoy dirty laundry, the last thing I seek is to hurt my family, their character, or create further injury to their pain. Isn’t gossip (the fact or fiction) we speak of others just a louder statement about how we really feel about ourselves?

Put best by Jenna from Sports Nutrition – shut your face. Gossip is likened to bad breath, we see it and smell it from others, not ourselves. Take a deep breath. In the place of the gossip, let love and light pour into this space and take of the verbal diarrhea that was preparing to launch a stinky situation and say something that displays your character and lifts the evolution of all.

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Each time we step onto “the mat” our capacity is challenged. Rather we have an instructor, or it is our individual practice we are creating, overcoming, enduring for transformation, and living the love and ahimsa (nonviolence) in our practice – on and off our mat.

I love the phrase in practice that has been shared with me and that I borrow often of “hurt so good”.  Shaktifying and freeing what is awkward to pause with us in a place of abundant humility, accepting the boundary and raising the ante to get a little deeper, a little closer breath by breath, and a lot nearer to the physical manifestation of that which is stuck is constantly evolving. Problems possibly upgraded, or new lessons yet to be learned. The behavioral patterns that inevitably brought “us” to this place and mucked up the path to the essential self so that we may feel our way authentically allows the Shakti to ignite. If you remove the stick long enough – this is true ecstasy.

I love a great class where you have a fantastic tour guide who can speak your language and deliver you to this place effortlessly – it is the easy button truly. When I travel though to the beach- my happy place – I like silence, no guide, just happening by ease in pure existence. I love to find my own inner compass in Prana to this oasis of essential in or out of class. The breath is my navigator – it is wise beyond comprehension. Shallow at first, soft, quiet, and then once in process bellows, scruffy, significant, it is what unveils the path.

Feeling authentically is not always Candy Land. There is negativity in my inner Molasses Swamp amidst small victories deep in release. Harry S. Truman refers to “intense feeling too often obscures the truth.” As we come into these intense feelings, this is the ultimate test to uncover your roots and be present. I fork in my feelings by asking the internal “and then what else”…”good, great, and then how else do you feel” becoming my own coach or psychoanalyst. As much as I like to say “thank you Monkey Mind” and go on, my monkey has feelings that deserve to be un-caged and released. Sweat is great, dirty, and cathartic.

I digress. Friday was amazing. I shaktified. It was simple yet complex. The look my liver made when I came into the gravity of myself spoke a novel. We may forgive but we never forget. As the fire in my face and heart dictate, I am present in my transformation. Confucius says: When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see persons of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves; this I did.

Later that day, I created. My heart was connected. The evening was completed with an amazing date night. The Universe heard my call for Shakespeare’s…mmm. There is nothing like extra sauce, watching vampire lore with one’s loved one.

Saturday was powerful. A lesson in peacocking. We got down; we eased in and colored outside the lines. I feel that flying is best when you see like-minded friends jumping out of the nest in the “V” or in our case rumps in the air and feathers on display!

The afternoon was a whirlwind of great friends, company, retail therapy, and a double date night. This weekend I hit the jackpot! True character comes out when one is drunk – according to Charlie Chaplin a man who barely spoke! We were in amazing company and the evening just kept getting better: friends, sushi, comedy, and dueling pianos ending with hockey puck 7:3 and pokey sticks food comas.

Sundays are sacred. 100% of Bhakti to the higher power. January was the beginning of my pilgrimage where I go to numerous institutions, religious houses, and mi amigos yoga studios to embark in the continuum of IN-SPIRITation. In service this morning so much came together in an intriguing sermon regarding the danger of urban legends “God helps those who help themselves” Aesop Fables circa 6BC. Genesis 16, development of girls to womanhood, and super-bowl mishaps were woven together under the theme of waiting. The question boils down to whose’ voice are you listening to? Drawing upon what, why and how in achieving a promise or deep hearts desire we are met with the truth that God will never let you down, be forever faithful. We need our why to be the lesson of learning humility not in the power to fix our self-trust or self-dependence, but to be disciplined, take action, and have patient trust to be in the world but not of it. Amen=truth.